Top 10 Tips for Handling Church Critics

By Charles Stone

Charles Stone, D.Min. serves as senior pastor of Ginger Creek Community Church in suburban Chicago. He has been in the ministry for 30 years, has published numerous articles in church and ministry magazines, and is co-author (with his daughter Heather) of Daughters Gone Wild—Dads Gone Crazy. Charles has graduate degrees from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. Learn more from Charles in his most recent book, 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them (Bethany House, 2010).


One well-worn adage reads, “The two things you can’t avoid in life are death and taxes.”

I’d like to suggest one more, for those in ministry.

The two things pastors can’t avoid are…

people late to the service and…

critics.

Having served in full-time ministry for 30 years, I’ve experienced my share of critics. I’ve responded well to some and not-so-well to others. When I’ve sensed a good heart from the critic, I tend to respond with more grace. 

As Abe Lincoln said, “He has a right to criticize who has a heart to help.”

Here are 10 ways I’ve learned to respond to my critics (actually 9—I’d love to hear your 10th).

1. Give them your ear, but within reason. Don’t allow someone to destroy you with caustic criticism.

2. Let your body language communicate that you are truly trying to understand.

3. Avoid an immediate retort, such as “Yea, but” or “You’re wrong” or some other defensive response.

4. Breath this silent prayer: “Lord, give me grace to respond and not react.”

5. Before responding, take a few moments to check what you’re about to say. Abe used to suggest counting to 100 when you get angry. That may a bit of overkill, but he is on to something.

6. Look for the proverbial "grain of truth" in the criticism.

7. If you see more than a grain of truth and you can’t process it alone, seek feedback from the safe person in your life. (See my post on What to Look for in a Safe Person.)

8. Ask God to keep you approachable to your critics (within reason). You probably don’t want to vacation with them. 

9. Learn from your critics on how best to deliver criticism to others. When someone delivers criticism that you received well, notice what they did that made it easer to receive. For those who botched it, remember to avoid their tactics.

10. ...Tell me how you’ve responded to your critics. I’d love for you to give me a 10th tip.

4 Reasons Why People Leave and 3 Ways Pastors Respond

By Greg Surratt

Greg is the founding pastor of Seacoast Church, one of the early adopters of the multi-site model. Located in Mt. Pleasant, South Carolina. Greg is also a founding board member of the Association of Related Churches (ARC), a church planting network that has given birth to over 200 churches in the last 10 years and the author of a new book, Ir-rev-rend: Christianity Without the Pretense. Faith Without the Façade. 


If you are a pastor, you know how it feels.

It’s the phone call, the appointment, the whispered news. “We’re leaving the church.”

As much as they say “It’s not about you,” it usually feels like it is. It starts as a lump in the pit of your stomach that slowly makes its way up the twists and turns of internal plumbing, until it gets stuck firmly in the back of your throat. You didn’t see it coming and the hurt is commensurate to the level of the relationship. The closer the connection, the more intense the pain.

I watched my Dad and Mom deal with it in churches when I was growing up. Dad externalized, Mom did the opposite. She would hide her hurt behind the duties of raising a family, but I’d see her tears and wonder what was really going on. You didn’t have to wonder with dad. He would sometimes vent his hurt on those who didn’t leave, using thinly veiled references in sermons or conversations. These days I see evidence of the same in hurting pastors' twitters and blog posts. It’s hard to keep communication above the fray when your heart feels like it’s been kicked to the curb.

None of us are immune. In the early days of starting Seacoast, I used to wince when someone asked for an appointment. I’d think to myself, “Was this another ‘core team member’ hanging up their spurs?” It seemed to happen about once a monthm and I’d become a little gun-shy. Even these days I’ll feel that lump from time to time.

Occasionally, when I meet a newcomer who has transferred from a local church, I’ll wonder how much pain our “success” has caused area pastors?

Why do people leave?

• Sometimes people leave because of a misunderstanding. Some of the people who left in the early years thought that Seacoast was going to be different than it was. Some couldn’t understand the vision or wanted it to be more like the mother church or another church they had been comfortable in.
• Some people leave because of an offense. A lady told me once that her family was leaving the church because I had not acknowledged her or her husband in several social settings. Truthfully, I couldn’t recall any of them, but they had left an impression on her, so they left. Often they are offended with others in the church and rather than facing the issue, they just leave.
• Some people leave because the excitement of the new has worn off. Long term relationships are difficult to maintain, whether it be in a marriage, a friendship, or a church relationship. In our bigger, better, faster culture it’s easy to become enamored with the new and shiny rather than put the investment in renewing what seems old and dull.
• Some people leave because it is the sovereign will of God. He has a new assignment, a specific mission, or a better fit somewhere else for this season of life. Almost everyone who leaves chooses door #4, and for some, it may actually be the true motivation.

So, how do you respond?

• Some leaders internalize it—they become paralyzed by the rejection. They risk isolation and distancing themselves from future relationships in order to avoid further pain.
• Some leaders externalize it—they lash out to anyone who will listen. They risk collateral damage as they are processing through their pain.
• Some leaders learn from it—they realize that sometimes people leave. They learn to process it in a healthy way and move forward stronger from the experience.

Does this ring true to you? Have I missed anything so far?

Why We're All About the Numbers?

By Steven Furtick

Steven Furtick is the Lead Pastor of Elevation Church, an incredible move of God in Charlotte, NC with more than 9,000 in attendance each week among (soon-to-be) six locations. He is the author of the book, Sun Stand Still. He lives in Charlotte with his wife Holly and their three children, Elijah, Graham and Abbey.


I get asked all the time if Elevation is all about the numbers.

Let me just clarify something:

Our church is all about the numbers.

The number of lives that Jesus can permeate and penetrate with the gospel.

The number of marriages that can be restored.

The number of teenagers following the Lord.

The number of depressed people who can find hope in Jesus.

The number of dads who don’t give their kids any attention who will learn to order their lives by the Word of God and start prioritizing their families.

What else matters? What else should we be about?

This might come as a shock to a lot of people, but measuring numbers and putting an emphasis on them isn’t a new phenomenon.

Two thousand years ago, Luke by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit wrote:

41 Those who accepted his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day…47 And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
Acts 2:41, 47

Apparently, God is all about the numbers. So I want to be, too. And so should you.
It’s unacceptable to me as a pastor that we would stop growing when the Lord wants to add to our number daily those who are being saved. And in order for that to happen, we need to track every scrap of statistical data at our disposal. We’ve got to make sure we’re measuring ministry numbers to measure our effectiveness and enlarge the Kingdom of God. I don’t want to waste a single dollar or second on a program, piece of equipment, or ministry position that isn’t the best option for reaching the most people.

You might be averse to numbers for a number of reasons.

Maybe you don’t like the idea of big crowds. If that’s the case, you wouldn’t have liked the New Testament Church. And you really won’t like heaven.

Maybe you think it steals away from discipleship. It’s possible. But it’s just as possible for that to happen in a church of 10 people as it is in a church of 10,000.

Whatever your reason is, remember: every number is indicative of a story.

Personally, I don’t want to put a cap on the number of stories God wants to redeem. Especially when I read this:

9 I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count. 10 And they cried out in a loud voice: “Salvation belongs to our God.”
Revelation 7:9-10

Now that’s a number worth shooting for. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wait until I die to see this. I want to see this partially fulfilled in my lifetime. More people worshipping Jesus than I can count.
I want to see a little heaven on Earth through Elevation Church. Through every church. I think it’s what God wants, too.

And that’s why we’re all about the numbers.